Dear Visitor,

This issue focuses on talking with active, independent parents about plans for the future. With new medical treatments and preventative care, many parents enjoy a long period of young-old age, remaining active and independent even over 80.

But few avoid the transition to old-old age signaled by decline in health, physical strength, and mental capacity. During this transition your parents will move from independence to interdependence, and possibly to complete dependence on you and others.

Now – while your parents are active and independent – is the time to ensure their safety in the future. Just as your parents took responsibility for your protection when you were young, they need your guidance and protection as they age.

Most aging parents do want to talk about the future – but may not know where to begin.

You can initiate this challenging conversation with some research and preparation. All our lives, up through old-old age and end of life, our personalities continue to develop. The personality development work of old age can seem mystifying – even terrifying – to outsiders. But you can learn how to communicate effectively with your parents at every age. You can honor their dignity and autonomy, while helping them build an effective plan to safeguard the financial and emotional wellbeing of the entire family.

I recommend two particularly good books, both written for adult children in layman-friendly language and organized for quick, at-a-glance reading. Used together, the books can help you open a conversation with your parents and encourage them to see you as a partner in preparing for the future: How to Say It to Seniors and The Parent Care Conversation.

 

How to Say It to Seniors, provides a developmental psychology and neuroanatomical explanation for cross generational communication difficulties. The book also offers strategies children can use to tap into their own strengths, and their parents’ strengths, to help elderly parents discover what their lives have meant.

How to Say It to Seniors, Closing the Communication Gap with Our Elders, by David Solie, Prentice Hall Press, 2004.

CLICK TO READ ABOUT– How to Say It to Seniors

 

The Parent Care Conversation, offers a listening-based communication model that can help relieve the emotional strain of helping parents plan ahead. Using this communication model, you can help your parents take an abstract look at the big picture – and then move from the big picture to concrete planning around critical issues such as money, personal property, the family home, professional care, and legacy.

The Parent Care Conversation, 6 Strategies for Dealing with the Emotional and Financial Challenges of Aging Parents, Dan Taylor, Penguin Group, 2006.

CLICK TO READ ABOUT– The Parent Care Conversation

Sincerely,
Marcia Johnson